Yemeni Wedding

Last night I witnessed a Yemeni wedding...I have seen some crazy things, but nothing compares to this. While I was in Jordan, I went to two different weddings, so I assumed weddings in Yemen would not be much different...I was so wrong. I was totally blind-sided by craziness. First of all, I'll explain what I was doing at a Yemeni wedding. There is a woman in the program with me who used to teach English as a second language back in the States. One of her students was Yemeni, and it was his wedding. She really didn't want to go to the wedding alone, and I really wanted to get to see and talk to Yemeni women, so I gladly went along with her.
Well, in Yemen, weddings are segregated male/female. There is no ceremony in the mosque, it is just a huuuuge party with loud music and dancing. We weren't exactly sure about the dress code for the wedding, but from our previous experience at other Arab weddings, we assumed there would be fancy clothes and lots of make-up. I didn't have any really nice clothes with me, so I put on a black dress and put on (what I thought) was a lot of make-up (meaning eye-liner and mascara). So we have to be totally covered up when we arrive, but as soon as we walk upstairs to the women's party, we are totally ambushed by hundreds of un-veiled women in the tackiest, craziest, brightest prom-dress-esque dresses I have ever seen...neon green, pink, blue, red. Plus they are all desperately crowding around the mirror, doing their hair, touching up their make-up....and their make-up is ridiculous. They cake on really pale foundation to make themselves look white and then put on pounds of eyeshadow in neon colors. It was such a shock. Two seconds before, we were downstairs and all of the women were in black niqabs which completely cover them in black from head to toe, sometimes they even cover their eyes with black fabric. Before last night, I had never really talked to a Yemeni woman before...I felt really cut off from them and unable to approach them because of the wall of black fabric between me and them. But the second we walked in, we were grabbed and paraded around the room by women whom neither of us had ever met before. We got so much attention because we were foreigners, and I guess it was a sign of status to have "ajnabiyat" at your wedding. So immediately we met the groom's sisters and mother and cousins. And then we met the bride's sisters and mother. For every woman, you have to shake hands, kiss cheeks, and if it is an older woman, then you kiss her hand, and you can also (this is optional) touch your hand to the top of your head to signify that it is a great pleasure to meet them. This happened with at least 50 women. Finally we are led to a place where we can sit down, and then the women descended on us with questions.
I take back what I said earlier about Yemeni Arabic being relatively close to Jordanian and about being able to understand a lot...I guess earlier I had been talking to relatively educated people that mixed in a lot of Standard Arabic...women in Yemen are not very educated. They don't know fusha. Almost always, they stop school as soon as they are married, and the average Yemeni woman marries at around age 17. So it was very, very hard to understand their questions. Again, it was a total shock because Yemeni women are so meek and quiet on the street, but I was constantly being grabbed, pushed, petted, pulled and questioned. One of the girls was a nightmare...she was the sister of the bride and was 15 years old...she had already been married one year, but because they are all forced to grow up so early, they all act a lot older. But she was ridiculously nosy and took an immediate liking to me. For every woman I met, the questioning went something like this:
What is your name? ...Betsy. How old are you? ...21. Are you married? ...No. WHAT? YOU AREN'T MARRIED? BUT YOU ARE 21! YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MARRIED? ...I do, but not yet. I bet you want us to find you a Yemeni husband? Me: ....inshallah...(NOOOO).
And then: Are you Muslim? me: No, I'm christian. Them: Do you cover your hair in America? me: no. Them: WHAT? You don't COVER??? Me: no, Christian women don't cover. Them: !!!!! Do you pray? ....etc etc.
The one 15-year-old literally asked me these questions, in this order, 5 times last night.
They also asked me about my family, and when I mentioned that I had a dog, they flipped out. Almost all Arabs are terrified of dogs and they asked me a million different questions about where it lives, what it eats, why I am not scared of it, and if it gets washed. Then they asked me who washes my dog. I answered that sometimes I do, or my sister, or my parents. They absolutely flipped out that a woman would wash a dog...they just could not fathom it.
After the initial round of questioning, we were told that we needed to dance. These women, who, in public, are not allowed to even acknowledge music or bob their heads, were crazy without the men around. I'm still in shock from the difference and I wish I could have taken pictures, but cameras are strictly forbidden because no pictures can be taken of the women without them being totally covered.
Near the end of the big dance-hall portion of the party, we went up to be introduced to the two brides...it was 2 weddings in one, probably to cut down on the cost. One bride was 16 and the other was 20...I felt so bad for them because of how huge and hot their dresses were...without airconditioning and the ceiling fans were broken...they looked miserable and shell-shocked. But of course we had to pose and take pictures with both brides...even though we did not know one of them at all...they wanted pictures with the foreigners.
At this point, it was about 9pm, and we were about to leave when the sister of the groom invited us back to their house to a special ceremony. This is something that outsiders normally never get to see, so of course we wanted to go. This is the part of the wedding where the women of the families gather in the house and prepare it for the bride and groom, and the men go out in the street and dance and shoot off fireworks and recite a prayer.
This part was very frustrating...back in the dancehall, the women are uncovered and dancing, and you don't really notice that it is segregated. But at the second part, the men are outside having an amazing time, while the women remain indoors, covered, just in case a man comes in, and they are all crowding around the windows, trying to see what is going on below. But of course they cant pull the curtains aside, even though they are veiled, because they can't act interested in the party. And the lights have to be turned off, just in case a man looks up, he cant see the women in the window. it was ridiculously hot and frustrating. Also, because, as foreigners, we have to have the best view, the crazy mothers-in-law and sisters were dragging us up and down the stairs to find the best windows...for 2 hours. Keep in mind that all this time, I am being questioned again and again and again on my marital status, age, religion etc. Also, being very tall and very pale and very ginger, they were all over me. My friend got off a little easier because she is tan and already married. Another fun experience was standing over a big bowl full of burning incense in order to make all my clothes smell good....perfume is considered haraam, but they stand over burning incense to the point of almost being burned in order to smell good.
But finally, at around 10:30/11, the brides come in and the rooms are arranged. Minutes later, the dancing outside stops and the groom comes in to see his bride for the first time. The groom is the only man allowed in at this time, and all the women have to cover up. The bride sits on a dias at the front of the room with a veil on and the groom comes over, puts his hand on her forehead for a moment, and then lifts the veil. They the women drag them both up and push them into their new bedroom and shut the door....both of them look totally shell-shocked and nervous and exhausted from the craziness of days of partying.
Finally, around 11:30, we tried to make our escape. It took 30 minutes for them to let us out the door, but they loaded us down with baked goods. Needless to say, I didn't get any homework done. I wish there was a better way to explain the craziness...even as I type this, I know I am making it seem tamer than it actually was. After being in Yemen for a few weeks and seeing the way the women carry themselves and then seeing the wedding party...its a complete shock.